A wee update on my dedication prayer

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In the year or so since I first published this about what you might call my offerings of sweat, the prayer has altered for me. I realized I had left out two of the banfennidi, Síona and Cámha, connected to the Fionn tales. I also became uncomfortable including Bec and Lithben who are known only for their conversion, both into Christianity and away from being warriors and causing the conversion of their fathers’ and their fathers’ kingdoms, to Christianity. (The Lives of Saints from the Book of Lismore). I realize I have no problem with the fact that several are known primarily for dying, it is where many of our stories come from after all, at least the place names. I just realized I did feel uncomfortable including figures who really did exist in order to sell conversion. We’ll see if this changes again for me but this is what I use now.

I serve the War Goddesses
Badb and Macha and An Morrigan, whose name is Anann
Fea and Nemain, Bé Néit

I follow in the footsteps of the banfénnidi
Macha Mongruadh
Ness ingen Echach Sálbuidi
Medb ingen Echach Feidlig
Creidne
Scáthaig Buanand ingen Ardgeimme
Aifi ingen Ardgeimme
Étsine
Bréfne
 Símha ingen Chorrluirgnig
Bodbmall
Líath Lúachra
Luas Lurgann
Siona
Cámha
Truth in our Hearts, Strength in our Arms, Fulfillment in our Tongues

Copyright © 2012 Saigh Kym Lambert

Stalking and killing unarmed kids is not self-defense

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If you’ve been to the blog before, you know I’m a gun owner and a proponent of armed-self-defense. I feel that as such, I want to make it very clear what stance I take and I believe the defensive-shooting community must take as sane, responsible gun owners and compassionate people. I am horrified to see that some who I had respected are not taking a stand supporting the family of Trayvon Martin and are instead holding out any consideration that Zimmerman, who stalked the unarmed teenager, might have acted in legitimate self-defense. We do have enough information to know better.

I was very saddened today to see GEORGE ZIMMERMAN AND TRAYVON MARTIN: WHAT WE DON’T KNOW from Massad Ayoob, where he alternately says we must “not jump to conclusions” and jumps as high as anyone does. He tried so hard to paint Trayvon Martin in a bad light that he finds the Facebook page of another kid with the same name and plastered his photos up (which will keep showing up on feeds for a long time….even if these photos were the same Trayvon Martin, they show a kid being a kid and nothing more is directly evident from the poses or Rap lyrics). And tries to make out that a truancy suspension trumps Zimmerman having been arrested for violent crimes in the past.

It saddens me because I had respected Ayoob until today. I had been looking forward to him being a voice of responsible gun-ownership in this. But that is not what he offers. He’s looking for excuses to support Zimmerman. He jumps to the conclusion that because Zimmerman’s Kel-Tec PF-9 (this is not the first time a very public crime has been committed with precisely one of the guns I own, this isn’t even a particularly popular gun like Glocks are, but it is inexpensive and small) supposedly didn’t cycle through, that Martin must have attacked him and had his hand on it. Well, yes, an obvious explanation for the gun not cycling would be someones hand on it and we do know they had a physical contact before the shooting, although the witnesses differ in how that went down as opposed to what Zimmerman and the police have said. But, consider this, which is actually more likely, that Martin might have grabbed the gun in a desperate attempt to defend himself or that he decided to attack someone holding a gun at him by grabbing the gun? Either way, Zimmerman had the gun out against an unarmed child who he outweighed by 100 lbs.*

We do have a lot of facts. Including that Zimmerman, against the advice of the 911 operator, stalked this child and left his vehicle to do so. Stalking is not self-defense. It is not Stand Your Ground. It is stalking. It is a crime in itself, but especially when it leads to you shooting down the unarmed child you are stalking.

As responsible gun-owners we can not defend that. To do so seriously insults Trayvon Martin, his family and all victims of such crimes. On a purely selfish level, it makes us and the laws that protect us as gun owners targets and if we lose the rights we have it is our fucking fault for defending those who, in fact, are not protected by those laws but now you’re making out that they are.

Let me give you my very personal take on this, which is shaped by my defensive-shooting training which was from trainers traiend by, yes, Massad Ayoob:

NH has “Castle Law.” If I were to be attacked in my home and reasonably fear for my life, I can shoot in self-defense. But the fact is that what I expect from the police when they show is to have my weapon taken from me, to be taken in, to be questioned extensively, to feel I need a lawyer and, before today, I would have tried to get a message to Ayoob through my own trainer who trained with him. That would be even if the person lying on my floor, was armed to the teeth and a convicted murderer. I expect to be questioned and have all evidence looked into about whether or not I did have reasonable fear. I expect that if there is doubt about my reasonable fear that I might go to trial, I would hope that a jury would not convict.

I also expect to be vomiting, sobbing and freaking out over having taken someones life. I may believe in self-defense, I may choose to have firearms for self-defense but I pray I never need to use it. It’s for the worst of the worst possibilities. I never want to have to take a life. On the other hand, I never want to stand by and let someone take other lives if I can do something about it. I don’t want someone to get away with taking mine if I can stop it. I hope I never have to, I hope that if I do have to I do so only because I truly do have to. I accept what I might have to live with both in trauma and legal issues after. But I do expect there to be issues.

On the other hand, if someone came to my door and then left or where just walking by and “looked suspicious” and I followed them with my gun and shot them I would fully expect to be charged with murder. I’d expect to be convicted should a jury of my peers be sane. Or, as I have already noted, be committed for life as obviously given the above I would have gone insane to be able to do that. Again, that would be even if the person were an armed convicted murderer. Because I have no fucking right to stalk and kill someone. Ever. Not even a known criminal. And certainly not an unarmed child.

In fact, if I did this because I thought the person looked “suspicious” and the person in fact attacked me, I do not have a defensible leg to stand on. Because I followed them. I knowingly put myself in unreasonable danger. If I thought they were dangerous my duty would be to call the police and stay in my fucking house and perhaps to call my neighbor that they might be heading towards and warn them of my concern. It is not my job and it is illegal for me to chase after the person. I am not a cop. I am not Batman.

The self-defense community must condemn such vigilantism, especially in light of a unarmed child having been killed. Zimmerman had a long standing history of this sort of behavior, he was not a member of a registered Neighborhood Watch and if he had been he’d have violated the rules by carrying a gun and by stalking individuals. He followed this child, first in his vehicle then got out. If he were attacked, which I do not believe is reasonable to believe but if, then he put himself in harms way by taking the law in his own hands. That take it out of self-defense territory. He was not a cop, he did not have any rights to go after another citizen who was simply walking home.

The fact that the police claimed that they couldn’t arrest him because it was “clearly self-defense” is actually bizarre. There is something seriously wrong there. And it must be fixed.

There was no self-defense here, even the Republican lawmakers who brought recent changes to the laws have said that. Even if Martin had been dangerous, there was no excuse for Zimmerman to stalk him. He should have been arrested, if he were not guilty that would be for a trial. He is a danger. Martin never was.

I say again, responsible gun owners and self-defense advocates must stand by Trayvon Martin’s family and cry that justice be done. Not just because by defending his killer actually puts our legal right to defend ourselves in jeopardy, and it does, but because it’s the right and decent and caring thing to do.

*ETA: There are, of course, other reasons why the gun might not have cycled through another round. One would be if it were in or got interfered with by clothing. One thing I have not seen is what actual shooting experience Zimmerman had. The PF-9 is a tiny gun, he may have jammed it up with a bad hold, while other injuries got mentioned later, I don’t know if his hands were injured. He may also have limp-wristed it, which with a Kel-Tec can take away the energy causing the slide not to come back properly. That, of course, could also explain the broken nose. If we’re going to jump to one conclusion on this, we might as well visit all of the possibilities.

ETA2: Just adding some more links that may be of interest: What Everyone Needs To Know About The Smear Campaign Against Trayvon Martin (1995-2012)
Dishonoring Trayvon Martin

ETA3: I also realized I was remiss in not including the petition calling for the arrest of Zimmerman in this shooting. Prosecute the killer of our son, 17-year-old Trayvon Martin

 copyright © Saigh Kym Lambert

Movie Review: Centurion

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I’ve avoided watching this movie for a year and a half, after nearly seeing in the theater with the director Neil Marshall and one of the actresses, his wife Axelle Carolyn. I did see their panel at the Chicago 2010 ComicCon the next day. I admit some bias against the film, which makes me sad as I like some of Marshall’s work. Yes, I am actually a fan of the generally loathed film Doomsday, I very much like The Decent and Dog Soldiers is not the worse werewolf movie ever, although I’d have hoped for more from a werewolf movie set in Scotland. While I know not to expect much from werewolf movies, I have learned to expect far less from movies about the “Picts.”

You’d think, of course, that a movie with painted up female Pictish warriors would be right up my alley, but this couldn’t be more wrong in my book. Of course, while I do love the idea of women warriors among Celtic people and I do think that they can be done in fiction, I think much care needs to be used in how it is done. We need to balance out the foolish fantasies of it being a usual thing and look as to where and how such women might have been found.

There were other issues I could see before seeing this movie, and seeing it doesn’t help. One is the woad thing, I stand by my belief that this is a fiction, but I also understand it’s a long standing one and people won’t give it up easily. This goes with the “limed hair” or at least with what that would mean. I do hope that some people out there realize that lime is extremely caustic and no one would use it to “gel” their hair, it would quickly remove the hair and tanners actually use lime precisely for that. The reference (para. 28) to the Gauls doing so seems to refer to the damage done just by using lime water, briefly, to wash the hair, much the same as lye soap can do. It certainly wouldn’t have looked like a pile of bird poo on top of the unbleached hair. This movie takes the cake in the stupidest depiction of “limed hair.” And ickiest.

And dreadlocks. Now, I’m going to say that Carolyn and Olga Kurylenko look very cool, in a punk warrior woman sort of way, they might have looked great in, say, Doomsday, and Kurylenko especially seems to be a popular avatar on my FB flist. ButOlga Kurylenko it’s hardly accurate of the “Picts.” The Celtic people (and I do believe they were Celtic speaking, but of a P-Celtic not the modern Gaelic they are depicted as speaking in this movie) of what is now Scotland would have been contemporary to other Celtic people. Which would mean textiles, stunning metal work and all. In fact, we know they had quite a good bit of nice metal work. They probably were also extremely into good grooming, as it does seem to have been a big thing for the Celtic people overall, and likely never would have had dreadlocks. Later periods certainly showed such concerns in the stone work, just check out the curls on the first “king” here (yes, this is at least 9th century, but I just love the hair on this).

Speaking of time periods, put “Picts” in quotes because these would not likely been known as Picts because the event this story, if it happened which it didn’t, would have happened in 117 ce (and therefore why do the call the governor Julius Agricola who died in 98 ce, having been recalled from Britain before that) and the term “Pict” was not recorded prior to 297 ce. Before that they probably were known by tribal names.

But “tribe” should not make one think “savage” as the depiction here shows, they were a sophisticated people. We have them shown as stereotypical savage and that’s the role they’re used for. They are politically correct “Savage Indians” apparently; after all, no one can really claim to be of a living Pictish culture (well, aside from Robbie, I suppose) to complain. That Marshall has actually admitted this much in mind boggling, but he seems quite proud of it. That an actor who played a “Pict” in the movie, one who loves all things Pictish too (which makes me question how he can defend this movie beyond “I needed a paycheck”) , said to me on FB that the Picts were “just like your Native Americans” I suppose brings up it up on the “Noble Savage” angle, which is just as stereotypical and insulting an image for both Native Americans and the memory of the Picts. (and while I might hold out a bit for the Noble Savage myself, I see it in the Outlaw Warrior bands, not the society …and I admit, nobility might have been rare)

Of course, as the “Picts” are the “bad Indians” here, the Roman main character (Michael Fassbender) is the “Good Cowboy.” Like the old Westerns, I find it hard to cheer for said fucking cowboy. The Romans were invaders, perpetrators of genocide, I do not consider anything about their occupation of Britain as noble or good. If the 9th Legion had been slaughtered, which they weren’t then I’d consider it a good thing. (Actually, this is thought never to have happened, instead they were transferred to Germany.) But we’re supposed to be cheering for the Roman protagonist here. Really?

All this was stuff I could have written before seeing the movie. So, how was the movie?

Boring. I have to say just plain boring, other than how annoyingly stupid it was. I was surprised by this, I had expected a lot of action and to say “at least it was a usual Marshal romp of activity.” But it wasn’t. And I don’t think it was just because I could not sympathize with the Romans, it was just horribly paced and lacked any real action. Even the usual Marshall Gorn wasn’t there. Seriously, you had people hacking other people up, the mighty heroic Romans even having to look away at one point, and …meh. Not remotely gory. Seriously? I don’t think I was the only one who had trouble staying awake, I think everyone who made it must have slept through the film.

I’d be interAxelle Carolyn and a horse that had no choice about being in this movieested in seeing how someone involved in Roman interests would view the actions of the Romans. I thought they seemed outstandingly stupid. The entire chase was both boring and boggling as I wondered why the hell they weren’t caught in the very beginning or just found frozen to death when the all sleep out in the wind. Supposedly Etain (Kurylenko) is this super badass tracker, the “Picts” are on horseback, the Romans acting like idiots yet they continue to stay ahead. Seriously, the movie shouldn’t have lasted so long. *yawn*

Oh, speaking of “on horseback” do I even need to mention that the horse types were wrong, which at this point can almost be forgiven as they usually are, and the saddles are way wrong which really can’t be forgiven. We know exactly what Roman saddles were like and what ever the “Picts” might have ridden in I can guarantee you did not have fucking stirrups. I am so sick of seeing anachronistic stirrups. And, as in most movies, few of the riders could actually ride, so it’s good the horses were way over sized or they’d have been unhappy with all that bouncing about.

Just to add a bit more to seriously hate about this movie, we go into the Big Bad Wolf trope, where wolves are shown to be man-eaters. Which people with an IQ above a turnip should know they are not. This is, sadly making a comeback, I guess we should expect it to come with more “Savage Indian” examples in the future. It’s all cool, irrational hate is apparently the in thing.

We of course also have the Helpful Indian Maiden (Imogen Poots) who is nearly a Magical Native American, or rather Pict, except she’s only accused of practicing witchcraft. True to form, she and the Good Cowboy “have feelings.”

So, what about those women warriors? Again, they looked sort of cool. In stills. Sadly, neither was convincing when the action came about, but they, and their stunt doubles, may just have been asleep. The fight scene with Kurylenko was just horrible and unrealistic even from my view point (remember, I liked Doomsday),because she just wasn’t moving they way it seemed she was supposed to. Neither she nor Carolyn appeared comfortable in their bodies. Perhaps this is linked, at least for Carolyn, in her apparent belief that women and men are physically so different that they can’t fight the same, a belief she expressed at the ComicCon panel. This was a sad set back from a director who gave us Rhona Mitra and Lee-Anne Liebenberg, both strong women who know how to move, in Doomsday. While I sometimes see potential for actresses to do better action roles when stuck in such a dismal movie, neither Carolyn nor Kurylenko would be names that would make me have much hope for a good warrior film. They seemed totally out of their element. The assumptions around them seemed to be that it was normal, there seemed to be a few other female “Picts” (hard to tell on my small screen).

Kurylenko’s Etain had a Rape and Revenge backstory while Carolyn’s Aeron seemed to “just be there” (in more ways than one, as, again, she just seemed to be sleep walking through the action). Mind you, I love the idea of multiple female warriors in a movie and I’ve been thinking about writing something on the need for varying reasons for a woman to become a warrior to be included in a single movie. The problem here, however, is that while it’s a popular fantasy, there is no evidence that female warriors were considered normal in any early Celtic culture, including those of what is now Scotland. I believe they existed, I could happily watch a well done movie with them (please, someone make one!) but there would need to make some point of why they might exist in such a culture.

I should note, however, none of the male-on-male fight scenes were really any better than the women fighting. Considering the plot, there wasn’t a lot of action in the action in the movie. Did I mention everyone seems to be only half there in this thing?

Of course, much of the dialogue may have been lost on me. Few of the actors could enunciate clearly when speaking “Latin” (English) and even if I could normally follow spoken Gaelic (I can read a little, slowly) I doubt that was spoken any better (I’d be interested in knowing what someone who can normally follow it thought…of course, Gaelic would not have been the form spoken, it would likely have been closer to Welsh as a modern variation). The subtitles were almost totally unreadable on my small screen, apparently no one cared if people might want to watch this at home. Perhaps they realized no one would really want to watch this.

Over all, this movie was bad. Not just for all the reasons I knew it wasn’t going to be good, but really just bad. The few things that could have been good just were poorly done and the whole thing seems to just be an exercise in bringing back racist movie tropes in new packaging in hopes no one will complain. And one that seems to have been halfhearted considering that everyone seems to sleep walk through the whole thing.

ETA: I think I actually blocked this from my brain. The symbol stones they showed. Um, why did they look as worn down or even more worn down than many look today? Considering they don’t date any earlier than the 5th century ce, and some consider that a romantically early dating (that’s 4 hundred years later than the movie takes place). I’m sure if they had them then, they wouldn’t have used them to chain up prisoners.

ETA2: I also forgot to bitch about the lack of fortifications in the Pictish settlement. This of course made it nice and easy for the Romans to sneak in, but, no never would have happened. There would have been walls and guards and all that stuff that people do when attacks could happen at any time.

Copyright © 2012 Kym Lambert

Book Review: Historical Residues in the Old Irish Legends of Queen Medb: An Expanded Interpretation of the Ulster Cycle by Diana Dominguez

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Book Review: Historical Residues in the Old Irish Legends of Queen Medb: An Expanded Interpretation of the Ulster Cycle by Diana Dominguez

Edwin Mellen Press, 2010

Sometimes resources find you just when you need them, this was the case for me when I was in early struggles of resuming work on Teh Project and I came across a dissertation by Diana Veronica Dominguez exploring Medb of Connacht ‘s story using the theories of gender parody/performance. This study has now been published as this book, and I feel it is a transformational study leading to a deeper understanding of Medb, and perhaps womeCover of Historical Residues in the Old Irish Legends of Queen Medbn in the literature as a whole.

Medb is the most featured of all female characters in the Irish matter, let alone the most featured woman warrior, yet she’s often treated merely as a footnote, either a misogynist joke or a humanized Goddess. A predominant theory is that she was nothing more than an example of how wrong it is for a woman to be sexually free and to attempt to take on male roles. For others, she is seen as a humanized Sovereignty Goddess, conflated with Medb Lethderg despite no real connection being made other than the name, “redeeming” her sexuality as appropriate and laying the blame for all her “failings” at the feet of the “unworthy kings” she weds. Neither makes for a very complex figure.

Dominguez doesn’t dismiss these prevalent theories, in fact, she explores the cultural lenses that created them, as she addresses the idea that story depends on the view of the audience and how they read intentional and unintentional coding. Along with showing how Medb can be seen to enact both stereotypical feminine and stereotypical masculine traits to meet her needs, she shows how differing views, by various contemporary and later audiences, bring to life a more complex, multifaceted literary figure. Neither the coding nor the gender performance need to have been intentionally meant by the transcribers or tellers of a story, the coding and how recognizable it might be varies in the audience, according to their own cultural or sub-group knowledge. Having an understanding of the culture can help us determine what coding might have been read at the time.
Dominguez’ exploration of the culture of Ireland at the time included looking at the knowledge base of those who would have transcribed these tales, of native, Biblical and Classical traditions and of history. She also explores the possibility for actual women warriors, without getting into the romantic notions so popular today (although I, personally, find the Cáin Adamnáin/Lex Innocentium a little less hopeful as I note here). She also discusses the real-life queens who lived at the time the stories were transcribed, who were clearly politically influential even if not titular, and that the Anglo-Saxon Queen Æthelflæd was well recorded in the Irish Annals. She notes that changes in Medb’s stories in later text may well have been influenced by these queens lives. She also reminds us of the potential for brother-less women to become temporary (as their inheritance would return to their father’s family) heirs; this may never have come up in regards to rule given “…there was never a shortage of males vying for ruling power…” but such a possibility may have been a consideration in the contemporary minds. This makes Medb and her sisters, with their brothers having been exiled for treason, more readable as exaggerated, but somewhat plausible, fictional rulers.
Whether such female leadership was acceptable as a reality to the original audience of the time, Dominguez reminds us that it certainly is accepted in some of the tales despite misogynist remarks in the TBC. Others come to her, not her huband(s), for counsel and even when Fergus goes to Aillil in Táin Aillil turns to Medb’s advice. In many of these cases her advice is labeled by scholars as flawed and malicious due to her gender, but the reality is that it is neither more nor less manipulative than counsel given by male characters and there are clear ends to be met, often to protect herself which protects her Connacht. Importantly, I feel, the idea that her reasons for going after the bull in TBC are often trivialized as “willfulness” and a “marital spat” is taken to task here. Dominguez points out that she had very real reasons for being at war with Conchobor who was not only her former husband but her rapist, killer of her son, the killer of one of her husbands, the man who humiliated her and her father. This was not about a frivolous seeking of fame or one-up-man-ship over her current husband. It was a very real political issue, about saving face which was a serious issue in Early Ireland and her motives are really no less appropriate than a man in this situation within this body of literature. In examining this, Dominguez also brings Aillil up from the typical reading of a weak cuckold, showing his reason for also wanting war with Ulster, the political implications for him in this situation and a reading that that, yes, there was a true partnership in this marriage.
Likewise, Dominguez makes a case for Medb as a a military leader, noting that many of “mistakes’ attributed to her “wrong-thinking” due to being female work as strategy. She shows that many of the decisions Medb makes that are written off by some scholars as “feminine whims” are actually very much in keeping with heroic male thought, while others are indeed performances of “feminine weakness” to get the men to take the action she wants and should responsibility for it. This also includes testing Fergus’s loyalty, and while Dominguez offers a more honorable reading of Aillil than many give, she shows Fergus was far more clearly duplicitous than often admitted to. Even Medb’s “humiliating” encounter with Cú Chulainn can be seen as performance and tactic, rather than a reversion to mythological state or depiction of her actually being a “weak and vile woman,” for the meeting buys time for her men to make off with the Brown.
In showing these various lenses, Dominguez shows us a multifaceted Medb, far from a saint, perhaps not everyone’s choice of role model (though I know a few who do claim her as such and will find this heartening), but a realistically portrayed literary figure who was likely understood differently by the original audience than by the Victorian critiques or ourselves today. She is not the first to do so, she has some good sources regarding seeing Medb a bit more complexly in the work of Ewa Sadowska, Doris Edel and Ann Dooley, but she certainly offers the most in depth look at Medb to be found to date. And this form of study leaves the door wide open for much further consideration.

On that, Dominguez wraps up by saying that she does not intend this to be the definitive exploration of Medb. She describes some of the many possible issues to still examine about this character who stands out in the Irish literature as a heavily featured woman. She comments that there are issues outside of the scope of this study that she only touched upon such as the relationship with Medb’s daughter Finnabair, the issues around the likely rather late, and very defaming, death tale Aided Meidbe. I hope that there are other scholars who will or are taking new lenses to her stories, taking up the challenge.

If this review seems uncharacteristically positive, keep in mind a couple of things. One, it’s hard to argue with someone pointing out that there are multiple ways to view something, because, well, there are just more views. But, full-disclosure, when I found the dissertation I looked Dr. Dominguez up and wrote her an email, because I am the sort of geek that writes fan mail to academics. I found this study to be not only informational, but very inspiring at a time when I was feeling out of sorts over my own project. I think that this study is a vital piece of the puzzle in understanding the place of women, especially women warriors, in the literature and it stands strong as part of what I think is a growing body of work on women of Early Gaelic culture, both literary and historical. So, yes, I highly recommend this book to every Celtophile out there who wants a deeper look at Medb, or women in general, in the culture. I would like to recommend it even more strongly to those who think they already have it all figured out.

The one real quibble I have with the book is something I suspect is in the publisher’s hands, which is that the index is clearly not as complete as it could be.
As an aside, I have to admit that I was also delighted to learn that Dr. Dominguez has not only concerned herself with this literary warrior woman of Early Ireland, but also has an interest in depictions in our own pop culture. Two essays she’s had published relating to this are “It’s Not Easy Being a Cast Iron Bitch”: Sexual Difference and the Female Action Hero and Tough and Tender, Buff and Brainy: A New Breed of Female Television Action Hero Blurs the Boundaries of Gender. It’s just nice to know that I’m not alone in combining these two interests.

Copyright © 2011 Kym Lambert

“…led by a mare…”

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Misty looking at Saorsa behind her In a short time, possibly today, I will be posting a book review for Dr. Diana Dominguez’ Historical Residues in the Old Irish Legends of Queen Medb: An Expanded Interpretation of the Ulster Cycle which explores Medb’s story through the theories of gender performance and the reading of coding in literature. But I’m distracted, as I was when I first read this, by what had long been a pet peeve of mine that her concepts have allowed me to reconsider a bit. That is one line, just one line, in the Táin Bó Cuailnge, one that not only offended as a feminist, but I found just stupid as a horsewoman.

‘That is what usually happens,’ said Fergus, ‘to a herd of horses led by a mare. Their substance is taken and carried off and guarded as they follow a women who has misled them.’

copied here from Rec 1 pg. 237

Now, while it doesn’t seem (frankly the OI is beyond me here) that he is actually saying that a herd of horses is better led by a stallion, that’s an obvious implication. But here’s the thing that bugs me. The Irish are fairly well considered good horse people. Therefore they should have known one basic little fact. Stallions do not lead herds. Mares do.

This is such common knowledge in the horse world, except for a few hard-headed idiots who might consider themselves horsemen but will never get anyway, that I’m loathed to bother to reference it. Pretty much go to anything on various wild or feral herds, anything on pasture breeding, any of the Natural Horsemanship type trainers and you’ll find it. However, this crossed my FB page recently and so I don’t have to hunt anything down and this demonstrates that some horses are so fundamentally dependent on mares they can’t sleep without one to tell them it’s okay.

Mares lead the herd, they do determine where to find water and safe passage. The single stallion of a herd is there for two or three reasons. To breed. To keep other stallions from separating off some of the mares from the rest of the herd which would make the herd too small and vulnerable. And, on occasion, to throw himself at predators being the most expendable and easily replaced member of the herd (something one might note Medb’s story demonstrates as well). If the “substance” of a herd “is taken and carried off” it would actually be the stallion’s fault, because that’s his job, leadership isn’t. A mare would be leading, as is her job.

So considering coding, this reads as, well, perhaps something more. Remember Medb has gotten what she wanted, humiliation of Ulster by successfully carrying of the Brown and the continuation of her rule by equaling her husband’s bounty, once both the bulls are dead. It came with great destruction, of course. Fergus, btw, has never been a character I respected and Dominguez does demonstrate that the respect he seems to get from some, usually male, academics does not seem to match his obvious treacherous behavior.

Now, there is a chance that all the clerics who wrote this down didn’t know a damn thing about horses and like some misogynist men today really do think that stallion is the boss. But you have to figure someone took it as a joke through all this time. Perhaps it even was meant to be, at least by one person copying it even if he didn’t originate it. A joke by Fergus? A joke on Fergus? Perhaps more horse savvy listeners to the tales took it as a joke on the naive teller?

But whether it was ever read that way, to me, today, as a feminist and a horsewoman, I think it’s damn funny. I’ll always see it as that.

Copyright © 2011 Saigh Kym Lambert

F- words and several W- words and some stuff that starts with other letters

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Actually, it’s mostly “w” I’ll likely discuss here, but the letter “f” probably grabs more attention. ~;p

A recent “discussion” some friends of mine were in, which I won’t go into here brought to light that I don’t always use certain words publicly to describe myself. This has led some people who do not know me to outright say that I reject at least one of them. That would be “witch.” People who claim that are, to put it as politely as I’m able to (as I pointed one to said FB page and STILL haven’t received an apology), full of shit. I do. Note, I use the lower case…it’s not a religious title, it does not have the same meaning as Wiccans attribute to it. In no way would it refer to anything anyone would want to make acceptable to the mainstream society, but we’ll get to that in a moment. The word ties in totally with other words that I am and/or do, some of which also begin with “w.”

The claim of those who wanted me to not use this term because they’ve decided, in their own little minds, that Celtic Reconstructionist Pagans* never, ever, ever use it, is that it’s disrespectful to those in the living culture who do not want it applied to them. Well, I’m NOT applying it to anyone else. I’m applying it to me. I’m doing so for many reasons, some which are more personal than I usually go into. But I want a record, for those who next come across these people making this claim…I am a fucking witch.

Those Big Nose** CRs note that “witch” is used in Gaelic culture (in translation, of course) to refer to a malevolent magic user. This, of course, would fly in the face of those Wiccans and others who are trying to get it “reclaimed” as a nice word, something it never has been. And they are, actually, right, I totally agree. The difference is that while they also want to be acceptable to the mainstream, apparently, I do not. I think that anyone reading this knows I identify my path as that of the Outlaw Warrior Poets, the Fianna and here is our first f-word, being seen as “nice” or “safe” is not part of my agenda.

Now, I am not comfortable using the term “Fianna” for what I am involved in, outright. I would not, that is, I’d not say I belong to the Fianna because that means something particular in modern day Ireland which I’m not a part of (this is not to say whether or not I am supportive, I’ll not bring up such things here, simple to say they have a claim to it that I’m not going to bother challenging). I do describe myself as a ban-fhiannaidh on occasion but I think when I do it’s usually clear that I’ve got my tongue planted in my cheek a bit and, like I do with that w-word you’re all familiar with here, I feel I’m still and probably always will be in this life time just aspiring to it. Perhaps even more so, as I’ve never quite mastered the tests noted in the lore and am of an age where it’s not likely to happen. I might refer to my path as being of the fiannaiocht, the way of the Fianna, inspired by these tales. I tend to skirt around the term, due to the politics, as I noted.

There are other terms in Gaelic for warrior that relate to the outsiders. Díberg is one, which is a term considered far more odious, meaning a “brigand” for which it might be said that fian was Plaque of The Morrigan in chariot sort of a clean-up although that term was not considered particular seemly and properly Christian by the clerics either. (McCone, West) There is, of course, gaisgeach and it’s various forms, which also are found when describing female warriors such as Símha inghen Chorrluirgnig, who is referred to as “…badhb & ban-ghaisgedach do muinntir Ghuill í…” “…witch and warrior-woman in Goll’s retinue….” (Cath Maigh Léna, also Heijda “4.2 Witches”) Oh, there we go that other w-word again.

So, back to that, badb in lower case is found throughout the literature to describe somewhat different classes of beings, as opposed to also being the name of a Goddess who is in the sisterhood with An Morrígan and Macha, and sometimes conflated with the former in a complexity which I’ll get into in a very long article and a longer book someday, maybe. Heijda discusses all of the variant uses and findings of the word badb, including “witch” throughout her essay and especially in the section “4.2 Witches.” That there is this combination of badb probably meaning what we refer to as “witch” and “warrior woman” is, of course, of great interest to me.

We see this sort of combination in various ways, the magic or mystical combined with the warrior woman. Indeed, it’s a strong point of the War Goddesses, including Badb (and again, yeah, it’s coming someday if it doesn’t burst something in my brain first). Scáthach is shown to be a Seer as well as a trainer of warriors. And we have another f-word I use in my practice fàisneachd, prophecy or Sight.

There are other terms which come up for “war witch” that I find interesting but a bit taxing for my limited Old Irish. You see accounts of Goddesses in both the First and Second Battles of Magh Turedh using magic, with a similar but not quite identical term. The term used in the First Battle for Badb, Macha and an Morrígan was bantuathacha which is translated by Fraser as “sorceresses,”(Fraser, pg. 44, para 48) but which is translated by MacAlister LGÉ as “female farmer or landowner.” (MacAlister, pg. 122-123, 160-161 regarding Ernmas, see pg. 150-151, 180-181 and 230-231 regarding Be Chuille and Danann –the last is translated as the odd “farmeresses”) In the Second Battle, Be Chuille and Danann offer spells to Lugh’s question of what all can provide and are referred to as bantúathaid, which would be properly “sorceresses” or “witches” and specifically malevolent ones. (CMT, Gray’s translation para 116-117 , pg. 53-54 in Irish given)

For the actual translations of the words see eDIL for the masculine forms tuathach and túathaid and use the “fuzzy” option as it seems impossible to direct to a translation. While Kondratiev suggests this replacement was a “…misunderstanding of the original word…” (Kondratiev) I wonder if there might have been more to such a change. However, my language skills are not up to such an exploration at this point and right now I sort of just like the idea of witch and farmer being somewhat blurry distinctions. Being that farmer is another f-word I’m aspiring to.

I don’t talk about the witchy or mystical stuff much, in fact I actually started a blog post about my mystical practices several months ago. It ended up becoming a rant on why I don’t write about “woo” and started to feel pointless and so it was greatly truncated and only mentioned as a part of another post. The experiment of writing about magic, trance work, Seership and all that woo-woo witchy stuff remains worked on offline. I’m not really going into it here. I’m just talking about identity here.

And again, I’m a witch. And a would-be warrior. And a Seer.

Along with this those of you who have been paying attention would realize there is another w-word I use, but am often reluctant at using too much or loudly although I have here a few times now…. werewolf. Again, connected to the Fianna/Outlaw Warriors, usually with the Old Irish f-word fáelad or “wolfing.”(McCone, West) When it comes to female werewolves the legal tracks mention confail conrecta “a woman who likes to stray in wolf-shape” (Bitel, pg. 219-220, Carey, pg. 64-68) although whether she might stray with the warbands is not mentioned. But you never know, I mean, they were wandering about too. Wandering outside of society….hmmmmm…..

Just as my definition of “witch” has nothing to do with the way Wiccans or many others in the NeoPagan community use it, my sort of wolfiness has nothing to do with Otherkin or therianthropy communities either. There are many differences, one again being the angst over being “understood” or accepted or what ever which is often a central theme. Or angst in general. I’m not some lost soul born in the wrong body, I’m someone who seeks deeply into myself and the Otherworld to embrace a beast that I can be and I’m the only one who has to embrace it…or can. It’s again about seeking that wilderness, about becoming primal in my body and taking a particular form to travel “astrally” and not about seeking an online community. (I have noted before that A Wolf-Man, Not A Wolf In Man’s Clothing is the one blogger out there who I can relate to at all on this, although we do vary in many ways as well)

All these things I am were not considered favorable by the ancient Irish societal laws that we know, which were Christian. We have no way of knowing, truly, what the pre-Christians thought of them, but these things were, in fact, considered “other” and, yes, “pagan.” These were indeed seen as negative things, but I embrace them and rather than embrace the thinking that shunned them. I have no interest in bringing them out of the wild. In the Brehon laws, none of these things that I am were given honor price nor even sick maintenance. (Kellly, also Bitel, pg. 219-220, Carey, pg. 64-68 specific to female werewolves)

Being outside, being counter-culture, being subversive to a sick society was once embraced by many of us, but sometimes I feel alone. In the ’70s, and yes I’m old enough to remember, the word “witch” was adopted by many feminists to equate with a woman who was dangerous to the patriarchy and to the gender status quo. At the time there was even some contention between feminists who never heard of Wicca and the Wiccans who felt they alone owned the term (as some still do), but, of course, some of those women became Wiccan and even developed their own traditions. Many already felt that was giving into a mainstream. I like “witch” for some of the same reasons they did, as well.

There is a power to being outside that I think some forget. The “noble savage” might be a naive trope, but the reality of what that can mean in a real sense about morality is something we might want to consider. It is much like the issue of if we can be “good” if we do not believe in eternal punishment, can we be good if we reject a society’s notion of “good” and “evil?” Is what is outside malevolent and dangerous not because it’s truly evil, but because it doesn’t obey the cultural constricts of what “good” and “evil” mean? Is there not more honor in being good and just when there is no societal reward for it, when, in fact, society may not truly be good or just? Am I stuck in the past because I still believe in this? Fortunately, there are those Occupying the streets of many cities for several weeks now who also are questioning this. So, no maybe not.

I do not fully understand why some who I know embraced these ideas have become so fully invested in placating those who wish to restrain us. But I put this out there so that if anyone has any question as to whether I have changed my status with culture, it is here. I am a witch, I am a would-be Outlaw Warrior Poet, I am wolfish at times, I am a Seer and a mystic. Don’t fucking tell anyone any different.

(For more about warrior women in Irish Literature see Once Upon A Time…. and The Warrior who Knew No Art of Wounding for more on my trying to put this shit together see A place where things come together, Weighing things out and Ramblings about Serving the War Goddesses or…)

Bibliography

Lisa Bitel, Land of Women: Tales of Sex and Gender from Early Ireland, Ithaca: Cornell University Press, 1996

John Carey, “Werewolves in Medieval Ireland,” Cambrian Medieval Celtic Studies 44 (Winter 2002)

Cath Maige Tuired: The Second Battle of Mag Tuired in Irish Elizabeth Gray, trans. Dublin: Irish Text Society

Cath Maigh Léna for the Irish, Kenneth H. Jackson, ed. Cath Maighe Léna Dublin: 1930 or E. Curry, ed & tr, Cath Mhuighe Léana or The Battle of Mag Léana together with Tochmarc Moméra or the Courtship of Moméra Dublin: 1855; J. Fraser “The First Battle of Moytura.” Ériu 8, 1915, English translation

Fergus Kelly. A Guide to Early Irish Law, Dublin: Dublin Institute for Advanced Studies (School of Celtic Studies), 2001

Alexie Kondratiev, “Danu and Bile: The Primordial Parents?”

 

RAS MacAlister, ed. and trans., Lebor Gabála Érenn: The Book of the Taking of Ireland Vol IV. Dublin:Irish Text Society, 1941

Kim McCone, “Werewolves, Cyclopes, Díberga and Fíanna: Juvenile Delinquency in Early Ireland” Cambridge Medieval Celtic Studies, issue 12, 1986

Máire West, “Aspects of Díberg in the Tale Togail Bruidne Da Derga,” Zeitschrift für celtische Philologie (ZcP), Volume 49-50

*They also do not like “Pagan” and all I’ll say to that is that yes, I DID initially use “Pagan” and that was the original term “Celtic Reconstructionist PAGAN” because otherwise what the fuck are we reconstructing? “Celtic?” No, we’re reconstructing Pagan paths based on the Celtic culture we’re called to/come from/whatever. Anything else is as big an insult to the living culture as I can think of. If they do not like the “Pagan” part why the fuck are they using my term at all? And, YES, I was the first…for several years before others who claim to have “founded” it ever used it and even longer before they actually stopped doing Wiccan ritual by their own fucking admission at the time.

“Big Nose Pagan” has long been a term used in place of “Big Name Pagans” especially for those who aren’t really that big of name but do like to stick their noses in other people’s business.

Copyright © 2011 Kym Lambert
Graphic Copyright © JBL Statues

20 Years Ago Among Cranes

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It’s been 20 years since I last attending Twilight Covening, so I’m noting mentions of this one popping up on my flist. That was a powerful event for me in many ways, it was a big time of change for me anyway, a lot of what I feel defines me today started that year. The group I was in was a warrior group, Cranes; the leaders of it are still people I count as friends (at least on FB, it’s been awhile since I’ve seen either in person). I was sick as a dog….so was almost everyone. I had a powerful vision during the event which I think set my feet where they needed to be as opposed to the wandering I was doing.

It was also odd and jarring and made me realize I probably wouldn’t attend again. It as when I first realized I didn’t really fit in the Pagan community at all, by this time I was pretty much not practicing Wicca any longer, was already on the warrior path, but I hadn’t really thought about how different I had become. It was, of course, clearest at the group ritual although we ended up with fire and that worked out well. But I know I felt apart from the rest; I think all in our group did for that time, some of us appreciating it, others feeling at odds with it. Many were and remained active not only in the general Pagan community but in Earthspirit.

How much that event changed me and how much it just gave ritual to the changes I was going through is something I probably can never sort out. Some are obvious, I was already more serious about weight lifting and the martial arts by this time, having done both for a few years at that point. Then again, some of my perceptions on those things may have changed during the event. I do know that compared to any other such event, including the TC of the year before, it has made a lasting impression. There are other reasons for that feeling which I won’t go into here.

One impression is that, man, I really sort of thought I’d have gone a bit further along my work than I have. But things always get in the way. 10 years ago I had a stark reminder that at least I still have time, while there are others who what ever they did already was it for this lifetime. And, yet, other things still get in the way and I haven’t done that much since then. But I’m still here *knockswood* and so a bit more down the path I go.

I am hoping that that means finishing Teh Project soon and writing in this blog more…and blogging stuff other than this fucking navel gazing which I realize I’m doing again.

On Friday I get ink, a piece that is something I probably should have gotten 20 or at least 10 years ago. Which all relates to this. Putting things on my body helps me solidify what I’m doing. We’ll see what this one grounds in me.

I have always looked through the TC information each year, first the paper mailings I still got and then on the website. There is a part of me that still desires doing something like that. Of all the gatherings out there, the concept of Twilight Covening remains the most intriguing, I think most useful. It’s not a “social” focused gathering, with various rituals to pick and choose from and that participants can take down time from if they wish and just hang out. Each person signs up ahead of time for a working group, you stay with that group (some even require sleeping in the same location and eating all meals together), each group focuses on some aspect of work and they do it together.

There hasn’t been a group focus that has called to me, or if there has there has been something that has put me off to the actual group. Often it’s the utter vagueness of the descriptions sometimes it’s just knowing who the leaders are. Each year I feel more distant from what it’s about. I want that sort of focused working, but, well, yeah….on different things. Of course, there still isn’t enough interest at this point for a Reconstructionist focused event like this. Hopefully someday there will be, but there are a lot of steps to take before that works out, I think.

But as I see all these “I’m back from Twilight and wow…” posts on FB, I’m thinking again. Two decades. Fuck.

Changing jobs, deepening vocation

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I left my job recently. This is a good thing, but it’s left me thinking a lot about this path and how the job did, didn’t and should have related. It wasn’t a “warrior job” in the sense that those who claim all warriors must do “warrior jobs” such as serve in the military or be law enforcement officers. I was basically a baby sitter, although if you go by hourly pay I was less well paid than most are these days from what I hear, although I got full-time hours and, therefore, benefits. I was a night watch person at a camp for troubled youth. So I was a babysitter who walked around in the woods and kept fires going. But it fit for someone on the Outlaw warrior path.

I rather liked the job at first, although switching back to nights had been difficult for me. After most of a lifetime of being very nocturnal by nature, I seemed to switch suddenly when I moved back to the North Country about 11 years ago now. I thought I could switch back easily, but it was hard for me. Otherwise, it was great, I like wandering in the woods, liked time to myself. I liked that connection that I noted with my path.

See, the Outlaw Warrior bands, the Fianna, were made up of young men, possibly some women as I’ve discussed here before, who were basically seen as unfit for society to live until they were. That was, primarily when they were marriageable and could inherit.* Obviously, there are stark differences between camps such as this and the old war bands, for example, they’re not taught fighting arts but rather to not fight (yet many might end up in the military in their future so….). Yet it’s, well, reflective…reflective is a favorite word of mine if you’ve not noticed (consider the name of my home is “sgàthan”).

In the context, I was even an outsider among outsiders, being there to guard at night only. The teaching fénnidi and banfénnidi there are the counselors. I remember being hit by this passage from The Wisdom of the Outlaw:

“(“They gave Finn the task of keeping watch during the night, and he was told to wake up a fénnid if he heard anything calamitous”). We have already seen that one of the duties of Finn’s fían is to protect human society and its borders. In the present episode, as part of his initiation ito a fían, Finn is to stand watch for his fellow fénnidi. Like the ideal gill described by Cormac, he is to listen carefully in the forest and be alert during his watch. Finn stands guard on the periphery of a peripheral group; in this stance his being a chronic outsider is all the more obvious.” pg. 176

And to some extent during this time I was able to work out some new concepts and connections with my path. But due to the circumstances of the job, I was also limited, especially over time. Because working nights took a toll on my body, and the body is an important thing to a warrior. To anyone, but all fantasy aside, it’s impossible to fight with out a functioning body.

While at one point I still trained hard in what I already was doing and even took some time to start firearms training, my body started to burn out. I started to sleep less, my fitness level was deteriorating despite working out, I was just fucking tired all the fucking time.

Somewhere along there I got back to work on Teh Project again, however, so that was a plus. But as my body began to show wear, so did my mind. My periods of concentration often were short, a real problem as some of this stuff is pretty mind boggling to begin with.

With concentration goes the ability to do the spiritual work involved, namely the trance work. And as my body was tired, going out into the woods and into a fugue state became more limited. Obviously, I couldn’t go into altered states at work, even if I was in the woods.

Other things which I consider related, such as working with my young, spoiled horse and dealing with prepping/homesteading stuff also were a problem.

I realized to a large extent, I was not living the path to the extent I need to be. I also realized that the crappy pay and crap benefits were no longer worth it. And for the past few weeks I’ve been regaining my equilibrium, repairing my body, starting to build up on the amount of training I’m doing (although I have a long way to go) and getting some progress with my horse and prepping. Writing not so much yet, trance work not at all yet. I still need more recovery for those things. And winter is coming, it will be a time to focus on some of that harder when we’re settled in for the season.

My mate is taking more shifts and will be developing himself more as an EMT. I will try to build something of a fitness business, but it’s a rough location even in better times for that. I may also go for my EMT certification, maybe. We’ll also see what else comes along that can help us survive.

What I am getting here is that I strive to find a way to learn and build from all things that I do, starting this job enriched my path, leaving it at this time does so too. Onward to what ever comes.

*See, for example, Joseph Falaky Nagy. The Wisdom of the Outlaw: The Boyhood Deeds of Finn in Gaelic Narrative Tradition and Kim McCone, “Werewolves, Cyclopes, Díberga and Fíanna: Juvenile Delinquency in Early Ireland” Cambridge Medieval Celtic Studies, issue 12, 1986

Copyright © 2011 Kym Lambert

Ramblings about Serving the War Goddesses or…

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….what the hells AM I doing here?

I’m working on some writing, the end of that article I’ve mentioned and a far larger bit in Teh Project, on serving An Morrígna. My only experience is in service on the warrior path and a bit as a seer. There may be other valid ways, serving as a king would have likely been one at one time but not so much today, but I certainly do not buy the whole “She/They are not really (a) War Goddess(es)” crap that is so popular today. And the “She/They aren’t JUST (a) War Goddess(es)” falls into the whole denigration of warrior into some dumb killing machine. Fertility, cattle and sovereignty are in no way the opposite of warfare as practiced in Gaelic culture. But…yeah, the article is almost done…no really,…although what exactly “almost” means is another matter.

At the time I first started working on this section, to then find some material that drew me to work on something else, there seemed to be a spate of blog posts by those not on the path, people not soldiers or cops, either, claiming that only soldiers, and maybe cops, were warriors. One person seemed reasonable and worth chatting up so I did, I like the guy, I felt he listened to my take. We might not totally agree, probably not on anything, but do I need to point out that this is sort of par for course with me? I like his blog in general, now that I found it and I may or may not have found it if he hadn’t written on the topic and I was looking at the time.

Most, however, wrote in such a manner to show that such an attempt was going to be a waste of time and energy, possibly even sanity. I realized in thinking why I didn’t feel like bothering that these folk didn’t live in the same world I did. They live in a world where violence is never going to happen to them and if it did the nice cops will come and rescue them and the courts would fix things. The soldiers will keep all enemies at bay in other countries and nothing like 911 will ever happen on our soil again. Katrina might have been bad and maybe there was chaos and bloodshed after, but it’s all fixed now, right? And it’s not going to happen again. Or here, anyway. And when it does these folk will be sure to vacate in time. And with the latter, they probably do have the resources.

We don’t create our own realities, not really. I’m a firm believer in that. BUT sometimes we do, as long as nothing bad happens. And for many people, especially white, middle class types, it might not. Although, well, most aren’t working or so middle class these days; a lot of folks who probably still consider themselves middle class, really, aren’t in that income bracket. But I digress. Sort of.

At the other end, of course, are those bloggers who claim that being a Pagan warrior is all about the “inner battles” and has nothing to do with fighting at all. Martial arts might be an enjoyable way of recreating, but it’s not what being a warrior is about. Certainly NO GUNS! Soldiers are not warriors, or might be, but not because they fight but only if they do proper ritual inner battles too. If they’re doing it right they won’t want to soldiers. And being a warrior means you’re all noble and heroic and shit like that. But your only battles are within.

Um, yeah. And, again, different world where everything outside ones own head is apparently quite safe.

So, I’m in the middle again as it were. Or just feeling outside this whole thing all together. In a different world.

Now, mind you, things can be perfectly safe. I don’t expect an armed intruder to burst through my door any moment. But, you know, …I don’t know that one won’t so there are loaded weapons in the house that we can access. And I know how to use almost everything in this house as a weapon if that didn’t work out. Something always COULD happen.

Here’s my definitions: a “person on the warrior path” is someone who trains for possible deadly encounters. Whether a professional or not. For whom it is a focus (some might train but not put the priority in it or want to claim to be on the path and that’s their prerogative).

A “warrior” is someone who is on the path but is also, as Ambrose Hollingworth Redmoon put it, is initiated by an other warrior, that is in a life or death fight. (in “No Peaceful Warriors!,” Gnosis #21, Fall 1991, republished in Rick Fields, ed. The Awakened Warrior: Living with Courage, Compassion & Discipline, New York: Putnam Book 1994 and personal correspondence)

So, soldiers and cops are indeed more likely to be initiated. Not all of the rest of us will be. In some areas cops don’t have all that much opportunity, either, but that doesn’t mean they’re not going to be prepared. There have been times when soldiers don’t get as much chance for initiation either, but the past ten years have offered multiple chances to many. Again, but the job is to stay on the path, prepared.

A soldier may be a warrior, but not all warriors are soldiers. There are other aspects to being in the military that make it impossible for all who might feel called to be prepared. Likewise to be a law enforcement officer. A certain trust in systems, at least in yourself within such systems, that some of us don’t have. That some of us don’t have to a degree that might inspire us to some extent.

I admit that I use “a warrior” an awful lot when I mean “someone on the warrior path” simply because it really gets annoying to write the “someone on the warrior path” repeatedly. It might be lazy, but it’s also less for you to read. I’m about to commit this wrongdoing many times in the rest of this post..any time I say “a warrior” I can mean someone who is initiated or not, unless the actual meaning is obvious.

A warrior does not have to be honorable, noble or heroic to be a warrior. These are great things for a warrior to be, I highly recommend them. But, honestly, I don’t believe that it’s part of the definition of “warrior” or “warrior path.” There are some real scum out there who train hard, can fight well and have been initiated. They give those of us who do fancy ourselves more noble a cause. ~;)

A warrior does not need to be spiritual. And if s/he is, it can be any spirituality. It may or may not involve “fighting inner battles.” Obviously, a Pagan warrior must be Pagan. Chances are s/he also serves a War Deity, but some might focus on others and many are Polytheistic to the point where they may serve no specific Ones. One of the statements I saw among the “only soldiers are warriors” postings was something along the line of there being a difference between being a warrior and worshiping a Warrior Deity. Well, yeah, there can be, as I said at the top here. There are probably other roles….but this is where I’m going with this, really, there’s sort of a direction to this rant.

I’ve written about this before, of course, in the article this blog is titled after (at the time the blog was called “Championing Ourselves” ..the article is no longer online) as well as references in this blog. When I was called by An Morrígan, I had been quite a pacifist, my world seemed safer even though I had been a victim once AND it was a far more dangerous time as far as crime rates than today. My world changed and I had to. Because whether others Me target shooting with a Sig in a Defensive Firearms classcould serve Her/Them in other ways, I was expected to train. To walk the path if not ever be initiated. That’s what She says and, guess what, She trumps some random blogger’s opinion. Just the way it is.

This is the way the world became to me, dangerous. Yes, crime is down in the nearly 25 years since this happened, but there are factors in there which actually make the odds no different for me, living here. It doesn’t change the fact that it still takes a considerable time, even longer than it does in an urban area (which is still always, always too long) for the police to arrive to a call. It doesn’t change that I can’t “date” protection which looking back I realized I often did. Or that doing that constantly puts women in danger from that “protection.” Things might indeed be better statistically, but it doesn’t mean any of us is exactly safe or can depend on the help of others.

And, here’s where I remind you I’m a crazy survivalist, things are getting worse. Hey, there’s seership here too, right? But one doesn’t need that skill, really. The very Earth is telling us so, very loudly; while truly crazy people who could have the power to make positive changes are denying it. The economy is crashing and there’s little real work being done to fix things in a sustainable way. Do you really wonder why many of us have turned to finding ways to do this ourselves, whether the “bunker” types or the homesteaders?

Truth is, of course, I have only met a few folks who feel called this way by Her/Them. Very few and most have ended up with some obvious reason for such a stance. So, I think I was Linkstruck recently by this post about feelings stirring after a ritual to An Morrígan, that appear to have been quite unexpected by the person writing. What exactly is it we’re all feeling and why are we feeling this need to DO SOMETHING? (Check out the rest of the blog, as the statue project is interesting and I’m feeling pulled to do something like that too….but different, probably a more “primitive” style..problem is, I don’t have much talent in those things…but I’m thinking looking over the shooting range)

Many of us joke with it, code it, as The Zombie Apocalypse or The War with the Machines but our training is not a joke. Even if we are sometimes unclear what we’re training for. There’s something. There’s a feeling. I suppose the “sane” would say it’s a paranoia.

And I’m not talking about “rising up against” anyone or forming militias, as much as, well, just being ready for what ever. What ever comes down the road. And if nothing comes, if things get better rather than worse, then that’s all good. Better to be prepared for something that doesn’t happen than not prepared for something that does.

——————————————————

An Morrígan/Badb’s prophecy:

I shall not see a world that will be dear to me.
Summer without flowers,
Kine will be without milk,
Women without modesty,
Men without valour,
Captures without a king.

[gap: extent: approx. 6 words]

Woods without mast,
Sea without produce,

[gap: extent: approx. 40 words]

Wrong judgments of old men,
False precedents of brehons,
Every man a betrayer,
Every boy a reaver.
Son will enter his father’s bed,
Father will enter his son’s bed,
Everyone will be his brother’s brother-in-law.

[gap: extent: 8 words]

An evil time!
Son will deceive his father,
Daughter will deceive her mother.
Cath Maige Tuired /The Second Battle of Moytura Whitley Stokes translation

Copyright © 2011 Kym Lambert

Weighing things out

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It’s been a long time since I blogged here, and I hate starting a post with what is essentially an apology for not blogging. So consider it just an acknowledgement. It’s not that I’ve not been bloggin. I’ve got a series of fitness posts going up at The Sarah Connor Charm School Blog, some horse related political stuff at Our Stories are Written in the Language of Equus and a painful lament for our goat Randvér as well as the Old Clucker and some local political stuff at the homesteading blog Dùn Sgàthan Notes.

Things have been busy and a bit heavy, not just the loss of animals at the Dùn, but I’ve also recently got my AFAA Personal Fitness Trainer certification reinstated. This is a good step which does not come without some tribulations. There is a reason I left the fitness business several years ago and a reason why when I first went to get reinstated I lost interest.

I’ve always had a certain issue with the industry. My focus in fitness was about strength and health. A scrawny weak kid, I always wanted to be bigger and stronger. I sort of was aware that there was a stronger focus, for women, in the industry on thinness than I had, but it wasn’t until I got the lovely mixed messages within the industry that how horrible it is really hit home. After all, I got training when I was first certified to recognize eating disorders with the message we were to try to counter them. But the reality when you start working in the industry is that the message is Weight Loss, Weight Loss, Weight Loss.

This not only doesn’t interest me, it offends me. This is not what fitness is, it’s an illusion of health and fitness put in place of real health and fitness. When you find that many training programs for women are designed to diminish the body, make it smaller. Not only in weight loss, but, especially with leg work, by over training muscle. All those multitudes of reps, that does not strengthen. It might build endurance, up until you start getting injuries, but only for those pointless moves not for, you know, running or walking. The message that “women can’t get bulky, but you better do lots and lots of reps to make sure you don’t” just is, well, aggravating.

The “weight loss” message might be a great selling point for some. I am finding difficult come up with language for my fitness website that informs that I don’t want to focus on weight loss with clients that doesn’t also drive people to those who promise weight loss. I know some will seek those promises out. I also know that some people feel abused by the constant focus on weight loss, as I wrote about in my first real post here. I have found a great community, Health At Every Size which is focused on this concept. In a better economy and a heavier populated area, I think such a focus can work out well…as it is, no matter what I promise, I’m probably not going to make a great living up here.

But my real purpose for getting certified again was for writing. There is a chapter in Teh Project about fitness training and I figured it would be good to have that certification again. Oh, and then as I mentioned, this now makes me “fitness director” or some shit at The Sarah Connor Charm School. ~;p However, there are more changes. So, while I might not have a lucrative business here, I might be in a position to soon take a few clients. Hence having started a website.

Yes, there are changes coming. Perhaps. We’ll see. I’m waiting.

Meanwhile, I write off- and on-line. If not so much here at this blog lately. As I had been working to expand this blog, as much of it is about sort of practicing or thinking “out loud” on issues around Teh Project, I had been working on a post about some of my mystical practices. No, really, it all relates for me even if it seems a divergence to others; and that’s sort of my point. I realized that with A Place Where Things Come Together it might seem that my spiritual practice is all about praying while working out or something, but while it all ties together, there is this whole mystical practice that includes, well, shapeshifting. Or at least consciousness shifting which manifests in a very physical way, although not in the true “turning into a wolf or something” sort of way. “Ríastrad” (warp spasm) or fáelad” (wolfing); which for me are about focus and transformation, of a sort. Yeah, even my ecstatic stuff is physical. What can I say. (There are other transformative practices in a Gaelic context, I recommend A Wolf-Man, Not A Wolf In Man’s Clothing who does good research and is able to discuss various lycanthrophy practices in a Celtic and related cultures, for those wishing to explore these sorts of things more.)

While the attempt to write something for this blog has been tossed at this point, the exercise worked as far as breaking the block I had for Teh Project and That Article. Hopefully, rather soon, the latter will be shown to the first readers and then published online. It still won’t have a lot of details, that will take longer. But it’ll be a start in me sharing something that is very difficult for me to share.

It’s not that I don’t believe these things should be SOOPER SEKRET, really, I think they should be shared. In fact, in light of the issue that many think that warp spasm is just, well, losing ones temper, freaking out, going out of control while on the other hand being seen as a substitution for physical training, I think it’s important to discuss this more. Because the practice is anything but these things. My problem is that it’s something that I just have trouble putting into words, especially written words. But words are happening. They’re just going to take a lot of work getting into an order that is sharable.

Now, of course, while I still plug at that, the fitness chapter is also a focal point. Because, you know, I got this shiny new certification. And if things work out, I might be getting a whole other one because, well, there are reason I might wish to affiliate with another organization as well as if not instead of. But that will require workshops which would require travel and until I’m out of the night watch gig, that’s not really possible.

I admit that I hate night watch now with a passion. I liked it a lot at first. I liked how working a job like this at a camp for troubled boys correlated in a way to the whole Fianna thing. Trying to do all else I need to do on a nocturnal schedule, however, is not so good. Time to move to another stage.

And then I’ll have more training stuff to write about here. More time to hit the range (or build one here…that isn’t happening like I had hoped, but I guess I’ll have to do that myself). Perhaps a chance to return to MA training which is out of the question on this schedule as the nearest place is too far away. That is, of course, if there is money to do so. It’s all being weighed out. And it may weigh out on the side of me staying as night watch, that remains to be seen.

So, mostly this is me writing on why I’m not writing here. Again. But maybe I will be more.

Copyright © 2011 Kym Lambert